“You have to get a massage every day in Thailand!”

“They’re like $10 for an hour.”

Everyone who has been to Thailand rages about the massages. Some even confirm the “happy endings” are real. Well I’ll be the first massage-skeptic (because I think it’s an affront to my personal space) to admit that “yes” they are indeed cheap, relaxing, and occasionally the masseuse will grab your testicles and squawk “you want me make big tip!” in your ear.

The three most common massages you’ll find in Thailand are: the full body Thai, full body oil, and the foot massage.

All of them will be at least an hour and should cost somewhere between $10-$15. And if you enjoy the massage, you should leave a tip, which at one-third of the total cost of the massage is still only $3 USD. It’s great, you can feel like a big tipper without breaking the bank….does that make me an asshole? Maybe.

The full body Thai massage is an hour of the masseuse applying pressure to different parts of your body. In most cases, they even get in between your legs and wrap their legs around yours like some midget gibbon.

The full body oil massages are similar to the Thai massage, but they apply less pressure and use more fluid movements to create a relaxing massage that’s similar to a Swedish massage. Nice, but you walk out of there feeling like you need a shower.

And then there’s the Thai foot massage. After applying lotion they rub your feet (top, bottom, and toes) for 45 fucking minutes. It’s amazing. If you’re at a reputable place, they’ll work on your legs, your shoulders and does some acupressure on your face at the end.

So after getting massages in the early afternoon on our second day in Koh Samui, we stopped at this little shack on the side of the road to order some take-out. The guy and his wife made each dish in a single wok, and even took a quick trip to buy some extra ingredients while my brother waited for the food.

When it was all done tossing soy, coconut milk, galangal, Thai chilies, and more over his shoulder and into the wok, he wrapped things up and actually rode my brother on the back of his rickety motorcycle back to our hotel so we could have lunch.

It felt weird order Thai take-out in Thailand since we’re always ordering it in the US, but this was fantastic! And this is what we had:

Pad see ew noodles:

Pad Thai noodles wrapped in fried egg:

Spicy papaya salad and Chang beer:

Sweet and sour chicken with vegetables (thinner sauce and a little more tangy then American Chinese sweet & sour):

Yellow curry with shrimp:

Green curry with chicken and basil:

Pad bung fai daeng because we can’t seem to get enough of it considering it’s my stepmother’s favorite veggie:

Spicy green curry with Thai eggplants and sweet basil: